A long time ago, much longer now than it seems, at a time I only remember in my dreams, I was gainfully employed and could afford to purchase xmas presents for all my friends and family. I always tended to spend too much at xmas, because I enjoyed giving gifts even more than receiving them. Finding the perfect gift for someone was something I spent a lot of time on.

Those days are long gone now. The only thing that remains is an omnipresent feeling of guilt at my inability to participate in the gift giving this time of year. It’s embarrassing, depressing, and more than a little anxiety inducing. I know people who give me presents understand and aren’t expecting anything, but it’s hard not to feel guilty never the less.