This is an honest to goodness slice of life right here kids. This is the completely true story of why I never owned Optimus Prime as a child. There is more however. After the crushing news was dropped on me like an atom bomb on my youthful innocence, there was more to be endured.

The next day at school all the guys wanted to know where my new Optimus toy was. Such was my excitement about finally obtaining Optimus, and therefore equality with my schoolyard playmates, that I had been hyping his arrival for the better part of 2 weeks.

So it was that I had to deliver to my friends the heartbreaking truth. “They don’t make him anymore. He dies in the new movie.” And thus it was that I was branded a liar. “Optimus Prime can’t die! STUPID!” it was several months before my vindication arrived in theaters and of course by then, none of my friends remembered my prophetic warning.

Sometimes, I still wake up screaming.