The subtle art of swirling, smelling, sipping, swishing and ultimately spitting wine into a bucket is not a skill that either of us have yet had a chance to cultivate. I’m not entirely convinced that it’s not completely asinine, either. It does raise some interesting questions though? How do you become a professional wine taster? Is there a degree you can get? Are there academies of learning devoted to the art of spitting the wine into the bucket just so? And then to prove your worth as a fledgling wine taster, to come up in the game, what do you have to do? Notice a nuance that some rival taster has missed? To literally ‘out-taste’ the competition? How is this even accomplished?

“Everyone else happily drank that ’91 Gew’rztraminer without batting an eye, except for one… that Pagz kid. Devil if I know how, but somehow that bastard managed to detect the single droplet of semen that I had diluted into the bottle. I know when I’ve met my better. He truly was… the Greatest Wine Taster The World Has Ever Known“.


Eat your heart out, Stephen Colbert!


Longtime NSP fan and general bonvivant Melissa has done me the honor of naming a Chinchilla in my honor at the Victoria British Columbia SPCA animal shelter. He is clearly a prodigiously cool and awesome chinchilla, possessed of exceptionally high levels of overall sweetness. If you are fortunate enough to live in the Victoria area, then you can go and meet Patrick in person in the BCSPCA small animals shelter anytime. He is in need of a good home, preferably a ninja hideout/lab/dojo. If you don’t live in Victoria, there are SPCA shelters all over the place with lots of guys (almost) as awesome as young Patrick who need a home of their own as well.

Make sure to note how much cooler Patrick is then his fellow Chinchilla, Liza.